Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
