just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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