capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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