3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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