i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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