K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
