I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
