just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
