I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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