Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
