Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
