I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
