He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ladies don't puke and tell
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
