Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
