doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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