nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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