What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
