i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
