I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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