my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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