I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
