big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
