the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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