Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
