a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
