I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
