Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
