Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
