she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
