if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
