I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
