So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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