he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize