Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
