nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
