i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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