Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
