cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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