i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
