Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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