I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize