I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
