I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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