last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
