Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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