This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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