3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
