Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
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