my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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