That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
