i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
