you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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