The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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