My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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