I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
