What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
