I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
