yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
