this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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