Betty ford says i'm here all night
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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