Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
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I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
birth control should be required to get into college
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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