First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
