If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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