mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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