Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've blown a few things in my day
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
