I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
