you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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