I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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