I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
