I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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