I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
