just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers