I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
