It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
