too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
