First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once