oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me