he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
