I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
